i felt nothing interesting nowadays. same old, same old. i know for some, feeling like this means something is very wrong inside. to me, it's a total bullshit! the only interesting things that happen to me is i'm still breath alive. i still experienced the circle of life. that is interesting enough for me. the rest..... just plain, damn boring! i did'nt even looked at my (or others) entry lately. reason being might be lost of interest. oh yea! other things that i enjoyed is WWE, but it started to fade as well. n of cos, i never lost my interest on Slipknot, the only kind of sound i crave for.
i'll be moving soon, very soon. no, not to a new cribs or new land. i'll be re-locate to my ex-office called front office (the fact is, it's located at the back. so it should be called back office instead, whatever!). i'll be working on a sunny hot time & going back to work when the sun already sets way down. that'll be nice, i guess. the last time i work like that was back in FOA time when i purposely requested for afternoon shift throughout the month. during that period, the first 2 weeks was fantastic! no early wake-up, no breakfast, late night supper, longer sleeping hour etc., but then came the downfall. hot sweaty days, no 'balik kampung', dizzy and all that craps. furthermore, i missed the fresh morning smell..... afterwards, i started developed a habit called 'sic' leave or professionally called MC! heh! those were the days. but now, i got a chance to experience it again, afternoon shift.... all the way! fuck!
to me, i don't give a damn what's the working hours gonna be as long as i still have a job to live. it takes a lot of moolah to live nowadays. there's no fuckin' life without cash. i have this strange feeling when there were no single penny in my wallet (it happened in a few occasion). so far, i survived but i don't know for how long. i felt that it started to consumed me, eating me from inside. i got a lot of burden on my shoulder that need to handled all by myself. physically, i'm good. mentally, i'm still sane. emotionally, i'm sic! i'm working my mind on every single ticking, thinking & imagine on how to generate more income, how to change life and how to survive every single day. the only cure lies within me. i did everything but cry. i'm trying to be positive as long and as much as i can. i try not to think about everything once in a while (like a minute or two). that's the best that i can do to cure myself from this [sic]ness. understandbly, i need a lot of space. no persuasion, no question asked, no bullshit. i'll do what i wanna do.
being a self is the hardest thing that people can do. most of the people around are pretenders. neither honest, nor truthful. i called them poser and i hate fucking poser! most of the poser are rich, yet cheapskate. poser knows a lot of people whom sometime did'nt even know them. "hey man, i'm rich so, can you give me you best (low) price" = fuck! "i knew someone, so you better give face" = fuck! "you are a good person, but not up to the standard" = sucker! fuck poser! why can't people say something straight, no craps or bullshit require? be truthful, not only to other people, but to self as well. damn! i'm totally lost. what lies ahead may not surprise me, but i'm ready to face it...... cos i'm m.a.G.G.o.t.s you sucker! you did'nt know me....
