M.a.g.g.o.t.s X-hausted!

dear Me,

please be informed that you have been badly abused off-late. you may not be able to survive a day, not only in your office but also to carry out your daily & routine task since you never had a good rest for the last 6 days. there's also probability for you to experience bad health condition due to the current situation that you have been dealing with. it is advisable for you to have enough sleep & rest properly in order to avoid your condition to get worst. really hope that you will be able to carry on with your current life. should you require further assistance or clarification, please do not hesitate to revert to your good self. sincerely, yourself!

basically, i felt tired & battered. i've spent the last 6 days working, in & out... literally, from dusk till dawn, i might say. the fact is, i watched the sun rise but never had a chance to experience it sets down, well, almost everyday. today's supposed to be my off-day, but due to some commitment, i've to forget about it. yes, i'll get a chance to replace it later but i really feel that i need it within this week itself. possible it may not! there'll be a lot more to come after this & that made my needs almost likely impossible. *sigh*

i lied to myself if i'm saying that i'm fine with that. i'm not! it's just for the sake of my responsibility, my obligation, that i've to continue doing it. i'm so much depending on it. there's a lot of people depending on me at this time & i see this as my responsibility towards them. i'm so caught up in between & my only solution is to have faith on myself & stay strong, as much as i can. i know i can do this, i can survive this.... i was born with this! ain't no stopping me to be strong. i'll give everything that i got. i'm fully aware that it gonna cost me, just a matter sooner or later.....

aku baru habis training session, the one which related  to what i wrote on top. put aside the day-off which i've sacrificed for that. i always trust on "things happened for a reason". Allah Maha Adil kan? ada natijah utk semua. "you win some, you lose some", that's another word that i live with. penat tak t'kira aku rasa skrg ni. frust jgk sbb aku xde spend masa cuti sehari aku langsung utk minggu ni. but, i do feel it's worthed. at least, aku dpt sdkt ilmu pengetahuan, pelajaran, yg aku blh aplikasikan & salurkan pd anak2 buah aku. penting utk aku sebarkan apa yg aku dh pelajari dlm masa 2 hari ni. it's about leadership, of which i'm doing currently. i'm the leader to my sub-ordinates, a total of 20 altogether. being 2nd in command of my department requires a very critical thinking, involving crucial decision making & most of the time challenging my patient. not only people that i'm dealing with. system, hardware, complaints, politics, deadline, etc.... dh sebati dlm diri aku, since day 1 i was promoted. hence, no regret, as i'm the one whose willing, whole-heartedly, to take-up the responsibilities. ni bkn kes mendukung biawak hidup (of which aku x brp setuju utk m'jadikan 'biawak' sbg subjek dlm peribahasa ni!). pertimbangan sewajarnya, semasak-masak fikiran dh aku buat sblm setuju utk satu tanggungjawab. bagi aku, tetap ada hasilnya. x byk, tp lbh dr cukup utk aku nikmati & syukuri.

sampai lain kali..... m.a.g.g.o.t.s out!

M.a.g.g.o.t.s.... Again

Between interest of doing what i love, work & life, i've to admit... it's sooo damn hard to juggle every single thing at once. Yet, that does'nt mean i've forgot or totally abandoning this. no... not a chance... this is part of what i love to do & really hope that i can do this on daily basis.... then again, it is not solely up to me to decide. i can plan, no, i can try to plan (plan to plan.... heh!) but trust that The Almighty will have the final say. it's up to Him who have written the destiny for every single of us who live temporarily on His land.... never, ever dreamt of re-write what The Almighty have lined up for me....

aku selalu terfikir, "adakah aku cuba utk buat t'lalu byk benda?" aku pernah tanya soalan tu pd kwn2 aku & jawapan yg aku dpt adalah YA! bukan cuba menidakkan, jauh sekali cuba nk tnjk gagah walhal faktanya aku mmg dh x t'mampu nk lalui hari demi hari dgn persoalan yg aku cipta sendiri. mau atau tidak, aku kena, harus, wajib, perlu buat apa yg aku buat skrg & lalui setiap detik yg ada dlm hidup aku. gagahkan juga kudrat lebih 100 kilo aku ni utk teruskan semuanya.... well, 'hampir semua' sebenarnya. bkn tamak, tp aku rasa mcm semua tu satu tanggungjawab utk aku... tanggung = perkara yg perlu aku buat & jawab = natijah yg perlu aku hadap klu aku x buat perkara yg perlu aku buat. sulit sgt ke hidup aku? mungkin... tapi, ni la yg ada selama 30 tahun usia. byk sebenarnya yg blh dibanggakan & lg byk jugak yg sgt mengecewakan dlm jangka masa tu. sapa yg xde, kan? buang jauh2 perkara buruk yg dh b'lalu. anggap je sebahagian dr kehidupan & pengajaran utk masa akan dtg. siap sedia utk perkara yg mungkin rutin harian, juga yg mendatang. 

seronok rasanya dpt 'menaip' kembali.... mungkin walau utk tatapan sendiri. aku suka.... ada kesempatan aku buat lagi, dan lagi, dan lagi.... infiniti!