Part of Me....

how difficult life can be? how difficult to deal with your own life? how difficult to continue life?
quote from Samurai X anime,"If life is bad, death is even worse"~Himura 'Battousai' Kenshin

i'm living my life now. well, at least my 'own' kind of life. knowing that it'll be never ending journey as some says, i'm enjoying every bit part of it. come what it may, i have to understand 1 thing, it's part of me. Allah would never ever let His people suffer. if it so, that's the 'lesson' to all bad things that they've done. i believe that. i did'nt pray a lot but i know that Allah is always near. i always have intention to be closer to The Almighty but went in vein with self-created excuses. and the most common 1 is always.... busy. i got no doubt that He is the busiest of all kind & that made my excuse sounds lame..... i really hope that someone, or something will bring a 'hidayah' to me to perform my sole duty to Allah, without compromise. yet, i got to have my own will to do so. insya-Allah.....

as i resume, my life off-late became challenging & tougher than before. glad that i've got a 'wake-up' call earlier. better late than never. 1 thing for sure, life changed. be sure about it. what you have today will be gone with a blink of an eye. you'll never know when but always prepare for it. my ex-bosse (as i always called her) always remind me about it. my current 'tur-boss' (as i always refer to him with my close friend!) did the same too. life is all about moving on, changing & end. we just need to be prepare for every single part of it. i wish i can be better than this......

Guilty As Charged

misinterpret. bahasa melayunya, salah anggap. that's word of the day for me. to be honest, i'm tired being misinterpreted by people, but what the heck? layan je la.... the person who know you best is ........ (sila isi tempat kosong). explain sampai tercabut lidah pun tak guna kalau orang lain nak pikir apa yang diorang nak pikir. you can't change others thinking, itu standard duniawi. kekadang terpikir jugak nak menentang lumrah alam, teringin nak tengok / tau apa yang orang lain tau / pikir tentang kita, but then again it will end up kita pulak yang jadi gila. why? sebab, kalau setakat nak filter sorang punya kepala otak takde hal sangat, tapi kalau berbillion orang camner? mungkin gak atas sebab yang bernas camtu la, satu aplikasi untuk laman sesawang sosial ni diwujudkan untuk menterjemah apa yang difikirkan oleh si anu & si ani pada tika & saat itu. bijak, sebab orang lain secara automatik boleh tau apa yang orang lain pikir pada masa2 tertentu. kurang bijak, sebab selalunya disalah erti (sekali lagi : misinterpret) oleh orang lain dalam masa yang sama. keputusan, jadi mangsa keadaan la. bersalah atas tuduhan.

adalah lebih baik kalau pemikiran seseorang itu kekal misteri, tak perlu di sampaikan dan dihebahkan pada orang lain. ucap selamat pada diri sendiri dan juga untuk orang lain. doakan yang baik belaka. perjalanan hidup memerlukan kita untuk jalan terus, berhenti sejenak sebelum terus berjalan. at the end, it's just another day......

3D Design Inspiration | Dezinerfolio

3D Design Inspiration | Dezinerfolio

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Changes

berubah.... aku kdg2 rasa muak dengar perkataan tu. tapi hari ni aku mula terfikir, berubah ke aku? kalau ye, sejauh mana perubahan aku? salah ke kalau perubahan berlaku pd diri aku? to be honest, aku dlm situasi yg sgt kabur bila org sekeliling ckp yg aku dh berubah. mungkin ke tahap ego aku yang melangit memungkinkan aku utk merasai sendiri perubahan diri aku? ke aku yg byk sgt b'fikir? bukan nak menafikan, cuma tertanya-tanya. benar mungkin aku berubah, tapi sejauh mana kesannya pd org lain & aku sendiri? perlu ke aku hidup dlm wayang dgn jadi org lain & puaskan hati semua org? puas ke hati aku dgn tindakan org lain? ya..... aku t'lalu byk b'fikir sbb aku dh mula b'tanya byk soalan utk diri sendiri.
punca pada alkisah di atas merujuk kepada perbualan kosong ala kedai kopi antara aku dgn bos aku. sahih yg bos aku ni ada tokoh utk jadi pakar psikologi. dia pandai memanipulasi & cukup pakar berbicara. lain org, lain stail dia. dia b'ckp ikut situasi. tenang bermakna lembut tuturnya, tegang bermakna tegas bicaranya. dlm kes aku, dia lebih natural, no nonsense, straight forward sbb dia phm apa jenis punya org aku ni. tak guna nak berbunga2 susun ayat, hambik tarusss!! dan perkara yang sama la aku dengar hari ni. ada s'thing yg dia x suka & dia x tunggu lama utk sampaikan kat aku. aku bagi jawapan utk tindakan aku tu & mengaku yg itu silap aku. aku berada dlm situasi kerja yg akan menekan (dan ditekan!). dlm kata lain, aku sebenarnya jd mangsa keadaan. aku x pernah mintak benda ni sampai kat aku, tp jangkaan & harapan org lain adalah sgt tinggi pd aku. mungkin juga silap aku sbb x cuba beritau yg kudrat aku ni tak segagah mana. berisiko jugak la kalau aku nk buat keje ikut kepala hotak aku je! sbb skang ni majikan2 dh xde perasaan ragu2 utk nyahkan pekerja diorg. aku pun x nk la jd salah sorang dr statistik 'jobless' kat Malaysia ni...... apa yg aku leh buat sementara waktu ni, bak kata SY (Sinar FM), i follow....

Continuity....... does not last for long

what's new? none! life's ongoing as normal still. shit happens, tough luck, near miss, big craps..... the lists goes on & on as same goes in everyone else life. those applies to me as well. everything remain the same. nothing's changed, none will ever be. true? nope! changes did happened. individually not, globally did. it brought a less significant, still it revolves around us. it's all God's will. no matter how hard we try to change, God have the final say & we ought to have faith to ourselves on that.

the comeback will not be permanent.

this may be a beginning...................... or the end.

nothing in this world will remain, God promised.

this may be the end and the new beginning.

one cannot determine others doing, they may forecast it though.

we are the consequences of our own act.

have faith on what you are doing & respect every single thing.

that's about it.

m.a.G.G.o.t.s lost

i felt nothing interesting nowadays. same old, same old. i know for some, feeling like this means something is very wrong inside. to me, it's a total bullshit! the only interesting things that happen to me is i'm still breath alive. i still experienced the circle of life. that is interesting enough for me. the rest..... just plain, damn boring! i did'nt even looked at my (or others) entry lately. reason being might be lost of interest. oh yea! other things that i enjoyed is WWE, but it started to fade as well. n of cos, i never lost my interest on Slipknot, the only kind of sound i crave for.

i'll be moving soon, very soon. no, not to a new cribs or new land. i'll be re-locate to my ex-office called front office (the fact is, it's located at the back. so it should be called back office instead, whatever!). i'll be working on a sunny hot time & going back to work when the sun already sets way down. that'll be nice, i guess. the last time i work like that was back in FOA time when i purposely requested for afternoon shift throughout the month. during that period, the first 2 weeks was fantastic! no early wake-up, no breakfast, late night supper, longer sleeping hour etc., but then came the downfall. hot sweaty days, no 'balik kampung', dizzy and all that craps. furthermore, i missed the fresh morning smell..... afterwards, i started developed a habit called 'sic' leave or professionally called MC! heh! those were the days. but now, i got a chance to experience it again, afternoon shift.... all the way! fuck!

to me, i don't give a damn what's the working hours gonna be as long as i still have a job to live. it takes a lot of moolah to live nowadays. there's no fuckin' life without cash. i have this strange feeling when there were no single penny in my wallet (it happened in a few occasion). so far, i survived but i don't know for how long. i felt that it started to consumed me, eating me from inside. i got a lot of burden on my shoulder that need to handled all by myself. physically, i'm good. mentally, i'm still sane. emotionally, i'm sic! i'm working my mind on every single ticking, thinking & imagine on how to generate more income, how to change life and how to survive every single day. the only cure lies within me. i did everything but cry. i'm trying to be positive as long and as much as i can. i try not to think about everything once in a while (like a minute or two). that's the best that i can do to cure myself from this [sic]ness. understandbly, i need a lot of space. no persuasion, no question asked, no bullshit. i'll do what i wanna do.

being a self is the hardest thing that people can do. most of the people around are pretenders. neither honest, nor truthful. i called them poser and i hate fucking poser! most of the poser are rich, yet cheapskate. poser knows a lot of people whom sometime did'nt even know them. "hey man, i'm rich so, can you give me you best (low) price" = fuck! "i knew someone, so you better give face" = fuck! "you are a good person, but not up to the standard" = sucker! fuck poser! why can't people say something straight, no craps or bullshit require? be truthful, not only to other people, but to self as well. damn! i'm totally lost. what lies ahead may not surprise me, but i'm ready to face it...... cos i'm m.a.G.G.o.t.s you sucker! you did'nt know me....

m.a.G.G.o.t.s comes around

What goes around, comes around. And that, my friend, does not apply only for the negative side, but positively as well. For that, stay positive at all time cos “it’s only job la dey!, not your life”, that’s a quote from my office-mate. True enough for me since i’ve experienced it today. I got this issue that i thought would never comes to end, but patients pays those who favour it. That issue was settled today, courtesy of third-party assistance. I did contribute to the solutions but in the end, i’m still the culprit behind it! I don’t mind it cos for me, as long as it’s settled, it does’nt bothering me that much. It’s like a burden have been lift-off from my shoulder and lighten me inside-out. I felt great about this and grateful for sure. I really thought that it won’t be settle since it was pending for quite some times. What goes around, comes around and for my case, it’s good.......

I went to lunch with my friend today in Chinese restaurant at my workplace. It’s damn nice, as always. He brought his new-found girl with him, the one whom I always heard about but never met before. She’s a good-looking petite girl. When i said girl means she’s young for me. It’s like medium rare (gosh! I’m still into the foods!). it was nice talking to her as she understands both of us really well. She can wholly-accept the fact that both of us are cookoo at maximum level. We can make-up a story out of nothing. We have bunch of crazy ideas to make an interesting (and stupid enough) story. It will begin with one simple joke, followed by add-ons and end-up as laughing stock all the way! Yeah! We’re good at that. Back to the girl. She’s nice actually. We can laugh and have a chat as like we knew each other before and she does’nt seems to be awkward or too shy. I just told my friend to get to know each other first before entering the next level and he agreed. He should learn from the past thing that happened to him. Just making sure that he knows best about this girl cos sometimes, what you see does’nt the same as what you will get. He totally agree with me and hopefully he understand.

The rest of my day will be the same as the past few days. I still have a lot to do and to clear before my boss come back to work. I got to catch-up and fix all damages that i’ve done. I got to amend things which was not up to that level for some. I’ll have to ensure that no more same old mistake will happen again. Cos i have to make sure that my job have been put on the line and should there be any mistake, it will cost me a lot more than my job!